Wine dates back thousands of years, and originates……………..blah, blah, blah.  Others can do the history more  justice.  I just know people have always enjoyed it so let’s just make the stuff & drink it.

In my mind there are three types of wine.

1. Wine made from grapes with no added sugar (a.k.a Wine) 7-14.5% ABV
2. Wine made from fruit or vegetable with added sugar (a.k.a. Country wine) 14-18% ABV
3. Wine made from honey with optional fruit or vegetable (a.k.a. Mead) 8-18%ABV

There are many subdivisions e.g. Ports, burgundies, table wines, dessert wines etc; and umpteen opinions on the best way to make it.  But for self sufficiency, which is what this is all about, it needs to be dead simple to save time.  If you want to know the ins and outs of acidity, blends, body etc etc don’t come here.  I’ll have you making a drinkable wine as soon as you’ve got the equipment & ingredients together and a little understanding.   Right, let’s crack on.

WHAT IS WINE?

YEAST

SUSTAINABILITY

SUPPLIES

EQUIPMENT

STERILISATION

MAKING WINE

• • General Steps
  • General Red & White Wine Recipe
  • General Country Wine Recipe
  • General Mead Recipe

NOTES

REFERENCES

What is wine?

Wine is essentially alcoholic fruit juice.

The alcohol is a by-product of the yeast feeding off of sugars, which when fully consumed will produce no more alcohol.

Grapes are traditionally used as they contain the perfect amount of sugar, acids, alkalines and flavours to make wine without anything added.  Simply leaving a bucket of crushed grapes exposed to air will attract natural airborne yeasts.  If then bottled with a one way valve for CO2 to escape, but no air to enter, you may end up with a palatable wine.

But like all alcohol making, the essential ingredient is control, as you would in a science experiment; which is rather what this looks like!

Most other fruits and vegetables require additional sugar or honey for the yeast to feed off of.

Yeast

Yeast is a primitive plant/fungus that eats sugar and makes carbon dioxide and alcohol. There are thousands of different types of yeast.  Wine yeast, brewers yeast and bakers yeast are all different and best used for their specific purpose.

Yeasts are airborne all around us, which is why it is important to control which one acts on the sugar.

If fruit is crushed, it will naturally start to ferment with wild yeasts.

Whilst the “secondary” or “main” fermentation is anaerobic i.e. devoid of oxygen in a controlled environment, the “primary” is exposed to air to permit replication of the yeast before it is sealed.

Yeast nutrient is a supplemental food to help the yeast ferment.

Sustainability

• Traditional wine is made from a whole variety of grapes, from white, to red and all shades inbetween.  Increasingly grapes are being grown in the UK for wine production.  However, the varieties suited to our climate are not very good for traditional wine, but are producing award winning sparkling.  Although co-operatives such as http://www.urbanwineco.com are growing half decent wine grapes in back gardens in London!
• Country wines can be made from anything from rose petals, to potatoes and even an old tea bag.

If you make a country wine however you’ll need refined sugar, which comes from two main sources: sugarcane and sugarbeet, but the end product is identical.  Sugarcane is a perennial grass grown in warm to tropical climates, must be imported and is most commonly known by the brand “Tate & Lyle”.  Sugarbeet is a root vegetable like a turnip, grown in the UK, and most commonly known by the brand “Silverspoon”.   Nationally we consume roughly equal amounts of each.  The carbon footprint is analysed here: http://www.designandenvironment.co.uk/2011/03/beet-sugar-vs-cane-sugar/

Often people boil hard fruits such as quinces.  Top tip.  Leave picked fruit outside in a protected box to breakdown with the frost, & make the wine in spring.  Fruit will be soft enough to mash.  Or chop & mash or grate other fruits such as apples.

• Mead can be made solely from good quality honey but can be enhanced with the same variety of ingredients.  From a sustainability point of view, sugar is highly energy and labour intensive and thus honey wins hands down.

Supplies

Brewing used to be a popular hobby until the cost of alcohol dropped.  Whilst the cost of materials makes homebrew cheaper, this doesn’t include your time, so it’s a labour of love but the results often supersede store bought alcoholic drinks.

• Boots used to be a major supplier, but no longer carry much.
• Wilkinsons stores often have a small brewing section
• Sheel pharmacy in Lewisham has a good supply of equipment and ingredients and can order whatever you need if not in store
• Several specialist brewing shops exist if you search online but may not be convenient to visit
• Ebay is a good source for small items such as yeast
• Freecycle and Gumtree are great for picking up ex-brewers equipment
• Foraging, allotments, farmers markets, farm shops and local producers are the best source for ingredients

Equipment

• Clean bucket
• Kettle or other means of boiling water
• Sterilised T-towel (steam ironed)
• Hydrometer
• Thermometer 0-100C
• Wine corker
• New Wine corks (old ones won’t seal sufficiently)
• 1 Gallon glass demijohn (yields 6 bottles)
• Rubber bung for demijohn
• Airlock half filled with water
• Siphon
• Plastic wire brush
• Paper Filter
• Camden tablets / Sodium metabisulphate
• Jelly bag / pillow case / something to strain fruit juice
• Corkable Wine bottle (non screw top as their neck is too thin)
• Optional: Bentonite Finings, Citric Acid / lemon juice

Sterilisation

This is arguably the most important element in wine making.  Brewing is a science experiment which centres around control of certain variables.

Sterilise every piece of equipment either with a sodium metabisulphate solution, campden tablets or simply boiling water to kill bacteria or yeasts which may jeopardise the wine fermentation.  Ensure you do this everytime you handle a piece of equipment.

Alcoholic wine left exposed to air will turn into vinegar as the airborne yeast starts to convert the alcohol to acetic acid, which is why it’s important to keep things sterile.

Making wine

General Steps

General Red & White Wine Recipe

General Country Wine Recipe

General Mead Recipe

Making wine, country wine or mead is pretty much the same basic process.

• Create your must (fruit/vegetable/honey liquor) in a bucket covered with a t-towel
• Allow airborne yeast to start acting on the must, or sterilise & add packet wine yeast & leave for a week so yeast can replicate using oxygen, stirring daily to submerge the cap if necessary

• Strain where necessary and pour into demijohn
• Fermentation:  Seal demijohn with an airlock, forcing yeast to work anaerobically converting the sugars to alcohol, and producing CO2 which escapes, but does not allow air in.

• Rack every 6-8 weeks to remove sediment, and taste to monitor quality
• When fermentation complete (after around 4-6weeks) it is ready to drink, but better to leave for 4-6months to develop flavours

• Filter
• Bottle
• Store

General Red & White Wine Recipe

• http://www.greathomemadewine.ca/hw/Grapes.html – Great site on how to make small batches
• http://www.howtomakewine.ca/how-to-make-wine-from-grapes.html – Great site on how to make large batches
• 16-18 lbs ripe red grapes e.g. Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, Pinot Chardonnay.
• Or
• Ensure grapes are clean, undamaged and stems removed.
• Supermarket grapes are cultivated for eating and are different to species used for commercial winemaking.  They won’t produce a fine wine, but it will be palatable.  Try it as this guy has: http://projectcortez.com/bottle-wine-at-home-using-supermarket-bought-grapes Otherwise enquire at markets, vineyards, or fruit importers of Spanish & Italian grapes e.g. http://www.winegrowers.info/
• Alternatively grow your own and join the Urban Wine Company (http://www.urbanwineco.com) in London who’ll help you to grow, press and bottle as part of a co-operative effort.
• 16-18 lbs white grapes (e.g. Chardonnay, Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Gris, Gewürztraminer, Muscat, Pinot Blanc
• Optional: 1 x 5g packet all purpose red or white wine yeast (if you choose not to chance it with wild airborne yeasts, in which case kill them by adding 1 crushed campden tablet for 24hrs before adding the packet yeast)

Method

Crush the grapes in a 5 gallon sterilised bucket

Check temperature is between 70° and 75° F (21C to 24C) for red wine and 55° and 65° F (13C to 18C) for white wine

(At this point add the campden tablet, then 24hrs later add the packet yeast if you choose to do so)

Cover with a sterilised t-towel and leave in bucket for 7 days stirring daily to submerge the cap.

Strain through sterilised jelly bag / muslin

Pour must into 1 gallon demijohn up to neck of bottle

Seal with airlock & store in a place 65-70 degrees F without fluctuating temperatures e.g. an upstairs wardrobe

After 6-8 weeks rack

After another 6-8 weeks rack

Taste the wine now and again to ensure it is palatable

When you are sure the fermentation has ceased, leave for further sediment to settle or can be sped up with bentonite finings.

Add 1 crushed campden tablet to ensure remaining yeast is killed

It is now ready to drink, but allow to stand for 4-6 months to develop flavours

Filter

Bottle

Store

General Country Wine Recipe

• 3 lbs ripe fruit
• 3lbs granulated sugar
• 7 pints of boiled water that has then been left to cool to room temperature
• 1 x 5g packet of all purpose red / all purpose white wine yeast
• 1tsp yeast nutrient
• Optional: 1/2lb raisins

Method

Chop & crush the fruit in a suitably sized sterilised bucket

Pour over boiling water

Stir in sugar until dissolved

Add 1tsp yeast nutrient

Add 1 crushed campden tablet

Cover with a sterilised t-towel and leave in bucket for 24hrs

Check temperature is between 70° and 75° F (21C to 24C) (about room temperature)

Sprinkle half or the full packet of yeast, re-cover, and leave for 7 days stirring daily to submerge the cap.

Strain through sterilised jelly bag / muslin

Pour must into 1 gallon demijohn up to neck of bottle

Seal with airlock & store in a place 65-70 degrees F without fluctuating temperatures e.g. an upstairs wardrobe

After 6-8 weeks rack

After another 6-8 weeks rack

Taste the wine now and again to ensure it is palatable

When you are sure the fermentation has ceased, leave for further sediment to settle or can be sped up with bentonite finings.

Add 1 crushed campden tablet to ensure remaining yeast is killed

It is now ready to drink, but allow to stand for 4-6 months to develop flavours

Filter

Bottle

Store

Recipes

The following make use of ingredients easily obtained through foraging or grown on an allotment plot:  Apple & Blackberry, Elderberry & Blackberry, Elderberry, Blackberry, Apple, Elderflower, Plum, Strawberry, Blackcurrant, Redcurrant, Quince, Pear, Rosehip, Carrot, Dandelion, Primrose, Turnip

General Mead Recipe

(http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1072132/pg1)

Good quality honey brings it’s own flavours to the table, and so a decent wine can be made solely from the fruits of the honeybee’s labour.

• 3 lbs honey (pref unpasteurised (raw) Wildflower or similar) –(Like milk, shop bought honey is pasteurised (heat treated) before sold to the general public to kill any potentially harmful bacteria.  But this also destroys beneficial bacteria, aromas and flavours necessary for a good mead.  Local UK producers of unpasteurised honey can be searched here: http://www.rawpurehoney.com/ or it may be available at farmers markets & shops, and some health food stores.  Using common pasteurised honey will work but won’t taste as good.)
• 1tsp Yeast Nutrient
• 7 pints of boiled water that has then been left to cool to room temperature
• 1 x 5g packet All purpose white wine yeast
• Optional: 1/2tsp tannin

Method

Dissolve honey in water with nutrient and tannin in sterilised bucket.

Mix well and try to remove all wax from the top

Measure specific gravity with Hydrometer to ensure it is 1.130 – 1.200.  If it is too low add more honey, and if too high add more water

Place t-towel over bucket and let sit for 24hrs

Add white wine yeast and let sit covered for a further 6 days, stirring daily.

Pour must into 1 gallon demijohn up to neck of bottle

Seal with airlock

Rack when Specific Gravity reaches 1.020. Rack again when Specific Gravity reaches 1.010 to achieve a tasty semi sweet mead. Continue to rack every 3 months for 2-6months

Taste the wine now and again to ensure it is palatable

When you are sure the fermentation has ceased, leave for further sediment to settle or can be sped up with A/B finings.

Add 1 crushed campden tablet to ensure remaining yeast is killed

Filter

Bottle

Store

Recipes

Different honey’s and same variety of ingredients as country wines.

Notes

• Fermentation – This is the process of yeast consuming sugar and producing CO2 and alcohol as a byproduct at an ideal condition of 18 C – 24 C.  You will see continuous bubbles passing through the airlock until all the sugar has been converted.
• Cap – Fruit skins & pulp which float to the top of a must
• Must – the sugar-water mixture i.e. the liquid in the demijohn or your bucket
• Racking – the process of siphoning off the clearer liquid sitting above the sediment which accumulates at the bottom of the demijohn.  Rack into a sterilised bucket, wash out the sediment, and return the must to the cleaned & sterilised demijohn.
• Filtering – by passing through a paper towel or coffee filter paper in a funnel to remove dead yeast cells.
• Bottling – Fill bottle to neck, soak corks briefly in boiled water, then insert using wine corker
• Storing – Lay bottles on side to ensure wine soaks corks to keep them from drying out and allowing in air.  They could be kept in an attic, basement, corner of a spare-room under an insulation blanket, an old fireplace, under the stairs or under floorboards. A bowlful of water near the wine keeps the humidity level up.  Should be dark and ideally 12-24C ideal constant temp.  Dropping below 12C just slows the ageing process, but won’t hurt it.  Above 24C consistently is bad.
• Ageing – The longer a wine is left to age either in the demijohn or the bottle, the better it will taste.  However, wine can be produced ready to drink in as little as 3 weeks.
• Alcohol content – Take your starting specific gravity, subtract your finished specific gravity and divide by 7.36. For example, 1080 – 995 = 85/7.36 = 11.55 % alcohol by volume.
• Stuck fermentation – The fermentation has stopped.  This could either be because it has finished of it’s own accord (usually within 5-6 weeks), sugar levels are too high, temperature is too low or too high, the yeast is dead etc.  This is the best guide I discovered: http://www.yobrew.co.uk/stuck.php
• Turned wine – Sometimes things are out of your control and nature takes it’s course.  If the wine tastes like vinegar or watery it has been contaminated and needs to be discarded; unless of course you actually want to make vinegar.

References

Easy Wine Making in 21days: John George, Barrie Anderson

www.homewinemaking.co.uk

http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/

http://www.selfsufficientish.com/

Japanese style bound recycled diaries & notepads.  I’ve been using my 2012 diary/planner now for a week, and it’s brilliant.

It’s very easy to make, consisting of:

Postcard (A6) for front cover

Daily printed A6 diary pages for 2012 (or blank in the case of notepad)

Back cover from card or another postcard

………………simples

How to make it:

1.  Get a postcard for the front cover

2.  Get together enough used printed paper (i.e. printed on one side only) from work or home.  In my case, I want it to be A6, i.e. a quarter of A4 sheet.  So 365 days is rounded up to 368 and divided by 4 = 92 sheets.  Plus a few for notes etc.  So call it 100.

3.  I found this awesome website: www.diyplanner.com.  It is the only one of it’s kind and is an entire site dedicated to generating custom notepads, diaries, calendars, planners etc.

Using the DIY Dynamic Template 2.05 software, and a little messing in a PDF editor I created the following for 2012 & 2013 which you are free to download and print in the downloads section.

NOTE: Ensure your paper is stacked exactly centred and tightly in your printer, otherwise the lines will be offset and you’ll end up with different sized sheets.

4. Cut your A4 sheets into quarters, ensuring they are all exactly the same size.

5. Stack the postcard front cover on top of the sheets, and the back cover below, so it looks like this when opened up.

6.  Clamp tightly (either with your hand or ideally using bull clips aswell), and drill 2 or more equidistant holes about 10mm from the binding edge (either the top or left handedge) using at least a 3mm diameter drill bit (otherwise you’ll struggle to sew it).

7.  Use the following guide to sew the diary together using Japanese book binding techniques: http://www.sff.net/people/Brook.West/bind/bindit.html

It isn’t difficult, but if you’re struggling just sew through the holes as many times as possible until it feels secure and looks neat.

Obviously for the notepad just ignore steps 3 & 4.  If you want to handwrite the diary, do the same and add your dates.

This consists of 8000 tonnes of wrapping paper which equates to 50,000 trees; 8 million christmas trees, up to 1 billion cards, 17,000 tonnes of food & green waste.  The list goes on

If you’re serious about saving our beautiful planet from destruction, get serious at Christmas.

CARDS

This will require a step change in thinking.  You need to stop perhaps worrying what others may think of your reused or recycled offering, and shift your thinking to beaming with pride at your effort not only to save the planet, but offer something mor eheartfelt than a mass produced low quality tatt

Here’s a few ideas:

1) RECYCLED CARDS

Start this one right now!  KEEP ALL YOUR CHRISTMAS CARDS & ENVELOPES.  Don’t recycle them.  Following the images below, you simply cut a neat piece of paper to fit the inside of the card, and pritt stick in place.

Then write in simple, but large handwriting a greeting such as “Happy Xmas”, over the area where the old text was.  Ideally you’d do this with used, thicker paper.  But my philosophy is, you have to “Spend Energy to Save Energy“.  So whilst you may use a new sheet of paper to line the card, it will outweigh the energy cost to produce a new card next year.

SUMMARY

I’m happy with my new LED bulb, and only replaced my CFL since it actually blew a couple of weeks ago.

Costs around £10 / bulb, but should save around £50 / year for a typical household if all bulbs replaced (assuming 10 used), with a payback of 1-2 years and saves around 270Kg CO2.  Bulbs last approx 10-20years.  Over next few years the cost will come down to pence rather than £’s

(14W CFL left hand side, 4W LED righthand side)

INCANDESCENT BULB

First there were incandescent (filament lightbulbs).  These are the cheap bulbs you find in all shapes and sizes we all had growing up, which are slowly becoming obsolete.  They work by passing electric current through a thin filament wire to a high enough temperature that it starts to glow.  Very effective at producing light, but very inefficient at converting electrical energy to light, wasting most of it as heat.

As with most things, the winners write the history books.  22 inventors have been associated with the lightbulbs creation, but Thomas Edison’s version was simply better and cheaper thus popularising it and crediting him.

FLUORESCENT BULB

Industrially it made sense to economise on power usage hence the introduction of strip fluorescent lighting.  Electricity excites mercury vapour which causes a phosphor to fluoresce (i.e. glow).

In the early 1990′s we saw the introduction of the CFL (compact flurescent lamp), which miniaturised the technology so it could replace the traditional filament bulb in the home.  They typically use a fifth to a third of the power, and last 8 – 15 times as long.  I know one of my bulbs has been going for 10+ years now.   However, they suffer from the delay of coming to full brightness.

LED BULB

LED’s have come a long long way since the tiny red diode you soldered to a circuit board for a school science project, and are set to replace CFL’s.  It get’s more complicated.  They use an effect called electroluminescence, whereby power is applied to a junctioin between two layers, one of which is electron rich and one is electron deficient.  The electrons in the rich material get excited (wouldn’t you?) & emit photons, which is esssentially light.

Surface Mount Diodes (SMD) are the current market leader with improved power output for low wattage.  Instant full power when switched on.

REAL LIFE TEST

I’ve purchased & am testing an LED bulb.  I chose the best compromise on cost, energy consumption & light output and am pleased with the result.  It’s not as warm a white as the CFL, but the CFL always felt dark to me.  This is much brighter but colder.  However, there will be hundreds of different types available soon.

42SMD’s, 4.2W, 470 Lumens, 40W equivalent, Lifespan: 50,000hrs, RoHS Certified, £10

Below you can see a comparison of three bulbs: 60W incendescent, 14W CFL, and 4.2W LED

COMPARISON

Here is an approximate comparison chart for the three technologies, edited from http://www.designrecycleinc.com/led%20comp%20chart.html

* Based on average rate of 12.5p/kWh for electricity in London, UK at time of writing.

Dear Jon,

Well you asked for it.  I got on a bit of a rant and didn’t stop, but hopefully you’ll find it funny.

It was great to get back into some silly old british humour with a good friend.  Thanks again for the visit in Germany.  Seems like you’ll be happy there.

Well, since I’ve been back it’s been up and down.  Luckily, it wasn’t quite the shock I was expecting it to be, but there’s been a fair bit of tension.  I surprised my parents by not telling them when I’d arrive back.  Arriving back in London I decided to check out the free museums for the afternoon, and for once admire the architecture in my own country.  Actually Jon, in that respect we’re pretty lucky.  Much of London has stunning buildings.  I called my parents and told them I was still at yours, then headed home on the train.

Coming up my road, I froze before reaching my house.  Five years ago I stepped foot through that door, and since then I haven’t been back.  I’d continuously delayed going home for reasons I explained to you.  My biggest fear was seeing my mum in a bad state.  I met my dad around the back, and we hugged and cried for a long time.  We have a deeper less expressed feeling of missing each other.  My mum, the one who is forever crying that her two babies are away from home said it was lovely to see me once I greeted her, and showed little emotion.

But I think she’s just like me.  I never really miss anyone I truly care about, because deep down I know, in this life or the next I’ll see them again and they’ll forever be in my heart.  But it was just quite comical to see how blasé my mum was after 5 years.  I know how she is.  She shows her emotions differently, and cares for her family very much.  Infact, we’re everything to her.

I’ll have some research to do about the condition my mum has, and some serious soul searching.  As much as I believe a natural cure might be possible, my mum and dad have resolved to accept western medicine as it makes their lives easy.  And to be honest, I can’t deny that the drugs my mum is taking have improved her life dramatically.  I know before she took them her body and physiology took a rapid decline whilst I was away.  I saw it on the webcam when I skyped them.  Although she rarely leaves the house so it’s hard to say her true state.

I’ve dug out some old papers, and my feelings about vivisection came flooding back.  Who knows what they do to develop these  drugs.  Best thing I can do is encourage my mum to have a healthier diet, and stay active and be thankful for what they’ve done so far.

I don’t know if this is of any use to you, but if you want to do some soul searching spending time with your family after a long time apart is a fast track to what makes you tick!  Within one day, I was shouting with my dad and literally ready to walk out the house.  This time, my mum was in tears.  Looking back at the moment, not only was it a profound wakeup call of where we’re all now at as a family, but quite funny.  My mum begged me not to leave, and I relented explaining that I couldn’t go anywhere because I couldn’t find any of my shoes!

I guess it was like the occupation of Iraq.  I went in guns blazing, but with little thought for the aftermath.  After 5 years separated, bringing a family back together again doesn’t necessarily work.  The main reason is, we’ve all changed.  Me and my sister have established our independence, and are fighting to maintain our status as adults rather than children, and my mum and dad are becoming more reserved and content to settling down to a quiet retirement.
That means, when I come back and tear my room apart to clear out 20 years worth of junk, it causes some upset.  And then the shouting begins.  If the shoe were on the other foot, would I be any different……………………?  Probably not.

We’ve made huge progress.  Something that never would have happened before.  When the temperature rises, sometimes we sit down together and we air our opinions one by one.  So simple and yet so effective.  My mum, who seems to get it in the neck from all of us stood up for herself the other day.  Something I’ve rarely seen in 30 years.  And all these little annoyances are only things I am not happy with about myself, so if I take the time to reflect it’s an excellent mirror on my soul.  Anyway,  I just feel lucky to be back with them.  After five years all my family is still here and we’re still together.

Anyway, what you really wanted to know was about the journey from Germany to London by train.  Well it was smooth as babies bum.  So fresh and so clean.  Took some pictures of the train cockpit and spoke with the driver.  Although I was a little put off that he didn’t invite me in for rice wine, we have so much to learn from the Asians.  But at least he told me the cost of the electricity used, which hopefully I can use to calculate the energy used.

Actually I forgot one major hiccup in the journey.  You know you gave me that Eurostar voucher.  Well, I went straight to Paris Nord on foot (just around the corner from Paris east where you arrive from Manheim), to get my eurostar ticket.  Although I was not interested in siteseeing, I felt it a shame to not make use of being in Paris.  How often do I come here?  What I really wanted was to check my address book for people I’d met during my travels who might live in Paris and meet someone for a coffee, but my phone had died.

So I plodded along, came to the junction near the station.  As I stopped for a moment I looked across the street to see a man leaving an internet cafe.  Yes, this guy looked familiar.  It was a French guy I’d lived with in Sydney over a year ago.  He’d just got back from India, and was with his mum coming to Paris Nord to collect a friend.  Seriously, what are the chances!  I believe, ask and you shall recieve.  I wanted to meet someone I knew in Paris, and secondly I think we were destined to meet again.

They invited me back to their house for lunch and dinner.  He infact gave me a few words of advice that I’d been looking for.  Unfortunately, this delayed my arrival at the station, and still being in laissez faire travel mode, assumed I could just rock up 10 mins before the train was due to depart with your voucher (not even a ticket I might add), and get on.  That was the hiccup.  I wasn’t surprised when they turned me away and I finally woke up from dreamland.  This ain’t asia anymore dude.  Were back with the bureacrats.   And that was the last train, 9pm!  Can you believe it.

So as you know, I had no money.  I could have found a youth hostel and paid with my credit card, but considering the debt I’m in and the cost of hostels in paris I decided enough is enough.

After trying to find some seriously last minute couchsurfing which only half worked (i.e. I managed to sign up and message the last minute group in Paris, but then because internet cafe’s in Paris close at 10pm, I couldn’t check for a response), I decided to sleep in the station.  Again, a sharp wakeup call I was back in Europe, where everything shuts annoyingly early.

Fortunately I shared the floor with several other travellers, and thought it might be a relatively cosey sociable night on the station floor.  However, we were forcibly removed from the station from 1am – 4am whilst they cleaned it.  The woman with her 4 year old daughter protested to no avail.  It was either menacing security guards with savage dogs and automatic weapons, hooligans and druggies hanging outside the station apparently harassing stray travellers, or an all-night cafe across the street.

We were shown to a table inside.  Being a group of 12, I assumed like most reasonable places, that seeing as everyone would order a drink they would forgive my poverty stricken state and let me sit with my affluent friends.  But the “Monsieur” was having none of it.  I HAD to order a drink or be kicked out.  In addition, one drink lasted only one hour.

I would have rather left then and there, but the others insisted on staying and bought my drink for me.  When we got the bill, it was an extra euro on every drink.  So 5 euros for a coffee or hot chocolate.  And, they were crap.  Tasted like syrup.  Apparently, we had not read the small print at the bottom which indicated this additional fee after 1am.  Crafty bastards.  So in rebellion, we stayed as long as possible and never left a tip.  He was clearly determined to uphold the irrational stereotype upheld by most of the world about French people, but clearly it does apply to a handful.  Exactly what you might imagine a french waiter to be.  Late 50′s with white hair and large bushy moustache turned up at the ends; immediate arrogance with an air of nonchalance and downright annoyance at your foreign presence in HIS cafe.  Given the treatment we recieved, I would have preferred the company of the druggies.

Next morning it all went swimmingly.  Got my ticket and boarded.  But you know what, despite the company making leaps and bounds in marketshare since the improved link to St Pancras, the last two carriages were still empty.  Considering a one way economy ticket costs 150euros same day I’m not surprised.  I’ve no doubt even with budget airline increases you could probably fly there and back 3 times before you spend that sort of money!  But at least there’s been improvements.  Ten years ago there would have been 3 carriages empty.

On my first arrival into St Pancras since the renovation, it looked quite impressive.    Seems they’ve finally got their act together.  There are signs and leaflets everywhere detailing all possible transport options, making it very easy to navigate.   But some things never change.  Our showcase international rail station, a link to Europe and the far east, impresses some typically British features I have yet to see in similar prominent and important landmarks in other countries.

The first ticket office you arrive to in this major international transportation hub, a marvel of engineering and historical significance, has 3 ticket windows.  Not two, but three ticket windows, one of which was open. 
To be fair to the man behind the cash register in WHSmiths as you come off the train, he looked like he’d had a big night out and wasn’t used to Sunday mornings.  But at least he managed to ‘pop’ his collar and string three words together in a profound display of British pride and excellence in customer service.  After all, it’s only our reputation as a nation that’s at stake.  Other unique features of our transport system include invisible ceilings on the escalators, revealing bare cables and concrete  for that industrial artistic look, and the ever reliable closed lines on the Tube.  Fortunately it’s always three different lines that are closed, keeping it fresh.

That £6.40 precisely that you gave me was a godsend.  Funny thing you had exactly the right amount of money for a travelcard for me.  And luckily they hadn’t changed the coins again whilst I was away.  I was hoping to use it to buy something to eat, and pay for the ticket with my credit card but another wonderful new technology has been implemented in my absence.  It’s called “nanobolock”, a very clever system which uses nanotechnology to block a card that you’ve been able to use in every other country in the world, from buying a packet of crisps in a shanty town in china, to buying a shanty town in china.  It prevents fraudulent use of your card, on legitimate purchases, by yourself, with your own card in your own country.  Marvellous!  And was a mere snip at £10m to the taxpayer.

But my friend, our attention to detail and excellence doesn’t only pervade our transport system, it extends throughout the city.  Whilst exceedingly appreciative of free entry to our greatest and world renowned museums, The Natural History Museum, The Science Museum and the Victoria and Albert, I wonder what other nation can boast as many displays under construction, out of order or under repair.  Despite the fact that I’ve never seen this in all but the smallest unpopular attractions abroad, at least we had the decency to put up a sign!

Never ending roadworks, no parking spaces etc etc.

But since being back I’ve been down to the South East coast, Broadstairs, Ramsgate etc which brings back memories of way back when.  Turquoise lagoons, tepid water, coral reefs and pina colada’s served to you on your sunlounger for the equivalent of £0.50.  Hang on, sorry, I got a tad confused.  I meant to say murky arctic water cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, deckchairs, sticky rock and queuing for 20minutes to pay £1.20 for a cup of tea.  And for god sake don’t forget the windbreakers, four knotted handkerchief to block the incredibly hot suns rays from burning your bonse, or earplugs to drown out the Punch and Judy show.

In all seriousness, we do truly have some stunning countryside and coastline; and infact all the things I mentioned above are quite endearing things about Britain.  I’m growing to like it again.  The seaside towns themselves are also beautiful.  And you just can’t beat eating fish and chips on a park bench by the sea, whilst being beaten by gail force winds and torrential rain.  British summer, don’t you just love it!

Don’t forget your roots my friend

Jimbo

Many trains go daily from Brussels Midi in Brussels to London St Pancras in London.on the infamous highspeed rail link Eurostar which goes under the English channel.

A standard class seat is from £45.50 ($68US) is available from Midi station or online at www.eurostar.com .  The ticket is valid from any station in Belgium inclusive in the price.

Arrive at least 30mins before departure for check-in.

A Visa On Arrival, 90days, $0, or visa waiver is available to most western nationalities.  Check http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk/en/ to verify.

Upon arrival at London St Pancras station, you can connect with tube, trains or buses to anywhere in the UK

ALTERNATIVES

• Take a bus: Paris to London Eurolines, €38.76, 9hrs
• Take a plane with www.easyjet.com, 10mins, €30 ($40US) from Paris Charles de Gaulle to London Luton
• Take a ferry: Take the train (3.5hrs, €34 ($45US) from Paris to Calais.  Then take a ferry with P&O Ferries from Calais to Dover (UK) (1.5hours,£20.50 ($31US)) booked through Direct Ferries.   From Dover take a  National Express bus (2hr 45m, £13.50 ($20US)) to London or a train (1hr 45mins, £27.30 ($42US) with www.thetrainline.com.  Total around $100US.
• Crew on a yacht from Calais to Dover (UK).  Get to Calais by train or bus, and go to the Calais marina and looking for positions or advertising yourself on the noticeboard.  Also hang around the Calais Yacht club or other yacht clubs in the region .  The journey can take around 5hours depending on conditions, traffic etc.  Bear in mind, that whilst the Dover Strait between Calais and Dover is only 34km wide, this is the busiest strait in the world, with cargo, ferry, and cruiser ships competing for the same space, so could be dangerous or slow.  You will arrive at Dover Marina.

From here follow instructions above to connect with central London.  Here is an excellent forum on the topic.

RECORDED FIGURES

• Departure: Paris Gare du Nord, Paris (France)
• Arrival: London St Pancras, London (UK)
• Duration: Unknown
• Delays: Unknown
• Vehicle Make & Model: Unknown
• Capacity / Actual No.Passengers / Average No: Unknown
• Distance: 490km
• Cruising / Normal speed: Both average about: Unknown
• Total fuel consumed & type (L):  Unknown
• · Total fuel consumed per passenger (L): Unknown
• Fuel consumed / passenger /km (L/km): Unknown

The remaining data is yet to be determined

CityNightLine is an ever expanding network of affordable routes travelling non-stop between European cities, born out a partnership between German, Austrian and Swiss Railways.

The train from Berlin Hauptbahnhof (Berlin central station) to Paris Est (Paris East Station) offers both seat and a variety of sleeper classes from €23 ($30S) one way (although I’ve found it impossible to book this fare), 890km.  Like many rail systems in Europe, under 26years old is considered youth offering a 25% discount on normal fairs, and a 20% discount for seniors over 60.

1 train departs everyday at 19:57, taking around 13.5 hours, bookable at the train station in Berlin or at the German Railways link above or the Rail Europe link.  Unfortunately both websites are rather convoluted and not easy to navigate.

For the German railways site ensure you select “BERLIN” for departure and “Paris Est” for arrival.

For the Rail Europe site, it will provide all possible options including non-sleeper trains so make sure you look at the second page of options for the direct train.

Arrive at least 30mins before departure for check-in.

A Visa On Arrival, 90days, $0, or visa waiver is available to most western nationalities.  For EU Nationals, no visa is needed.  Check http://www.ambafrance-uk.org/ to verify.

Upon arrival at London St Pancras station, you can connect with tube, trains or buses to anywhere in the UK

ALTERNATIVES

• Take a bus with https://www.berlinlinienbus.de from Berlin, ZOB to Gare Routiere international de Paris, for €74, taking 14.5 hours, or with the German branch of Eurolines http://www.touring.de/ from €33, taking around 14 hours
• Take a one way flight with www.easyjet.com from Berlin Schoenefeld SXF to Paris Orly ORY from €30, taking 50mins

RECORDED FIGURES

• Departure: Berlin Hauptbahnhof, Berlin (Germany)
• Arrival: Paris Gare du Nord, Paris (France)
• Duration: Unknown
• Delays: Unknown
• Vehicle Make & Model: Unknown
• Capacity / Actual No.Passengers / Average No: Unknown
• Distance: 890km
• Cruising / Normal speed: Both average about: Unknown
• Total fuel consumed & type (L):  Unknown
• · Total fuel consumed per passenger (L): Unknown
• Fuel consumed / passenger /km (L/km): Unknown

The remaining data is yet to be determined

The Luxury Express bus network (http://www.luxexpress.eu/lang/) based in Eastern Europe is at the forefront of coach transportation.  A subsidiary of www.eurolines.com which covers western Europe, and affliates National Express in the UK and Touring.de in Germany.

Much like their North American counterparts (Greyhound), some of the routes offered use modern couches with more leg room, greater reclining seats, free wifi, free powerpoint, and free tea and coffee.  Making long distance coach travel just about bearable, bordering on comfortable.   The thought of arriving at my destination not feeling like I’d just come out of a prisoner of war camp filled me with excitement.

The network stretches as far east as St Petersburg in Russia all the way to London, but I finished my journey after 43 hours in Stuttgart, after two bus changes.  Departing at 23:30 on Day1, by day 2 at 12:00pm the following day we were finally on an uninterupted 32 hour stretch when you can finally relax.  The first 11 hours involve customs and immigration stops and changing buses.  The ticket cost €105 ($135US) to Stuttgart, and would have cost €166 ($213US), 56 hours all the way to London Victoria via the Eurostar (included in the price).

Upon arrival in Stuttgart, I changed to a slower regional train from Stuttgart Hbf to Heidelberg Hbf.  These trains only do 200km/hr rather than 300km/hr like the ICE.  Ah, bliss.  I almost forgot how smart, smooth and fast German trains are.

Given the efficiency of buses compared with aeroplanes, the relatively fast connections, and the low price, this is a very good option for those wanting to reduce impact on the environment and travel long distance.

(http://www.waytorussia.net/Transport/International/BusSchedules.html) Also has some useful information

ALTERNATIVES

• The Moskva Express is the sleeper train to go direct from Moscow to Berlin, using modern carriages.  1 direct train departs everyday at 21:09, costing £130 ($200US) taking around 30hours, 1900km, bookable at the train station or www.raileurope.co.uk.  I have been unable to prebook it through Deutsch Bahn online.   Arrive at least 30mins before departure for check-in.   The train passes through Belarus and so you need a transit visa lasting only 48hours from the Belarus Embassy in Moscow costing $36US, next day issue, payable in US dollars.     Check http://www.seat61.com/Russia.htm#Belarus%20visa for more information.   Other routes exist which avoid Belarus and the need for the visa both on the bus or train.  You can take a train from Moscow to Cologne in Germany via Warsaw costing £145 ($222US) one way, taking approximately 48hours.   Since you don’t have to pay for the Belarus visa if you go this route, the train to Cologne looks like the best option, especially since you get to stop in Poland if you wish.
• Take a one way flight with http://www.germanwings.com from Moscow-Vnukovo to Berlin Schoenefeld SXF  from $128, taking almost 2hrs.  For more options see here: http://www.waytorussia.net/Transport/International/Air.html

RECORDED FIGURES

• Departure: St Petersburg Coach Station, Obvodniy Canal 36, St Petersburg (Russia).  From the centre of town take Bus #3 from Nevsky Prospekt heading east.  It then turns south on Ligovskiy Prospekt.  Get off when bus reaches Obvodniy Canal, and head east about 200m.
• Arrival: Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof (main rail station), Stuttgart (Germany)
• Duration: 43 hours
• Delays: None.
• Vehicle Make & Model: Unknown
• Capacity / Actual No.Passengers / Average No: Unknown
• Distance: ?????km
• Cruising / Normal speed: Both average about: Unknown
• Total fuel consumed & type (L):  Unknown
• · Total fuel consumed per passenger (L): Unknown
• Fuel consumed / passenger /km (L/km): Unknown

The remaining data is yet to be determined